To the just-graduated high schoolers who are scared, worried, excited, terrified, and every other emotion in between about starting college. This year, I will be a sophomore in college, and I’ll be living with three of my good friends. I have a great friend group, and I am even a part of a sorority. Even though I have all of these great things now, I did not even know a single person when I was starting my freshman year. If you are one of those people who are excited for college and ready to leave home, that is great. But if you are someone who is terrified of going to college, I was right there with you. My whole senior year, I dreaded doing everything for college. I was scared to apply because that would mean it was real and actually going to happen. I was hesitant on tours because there were always so many people and I am not a social butterfly. I ended up choosing the university that I didn’t think I was going to choose, but I toured and ended up loving it. It was also closer to home, and the other college I wanted to go to was 5 hours away, and I realized that that was WAY too far away.
The day I moved in, I was even more terrified, and when my family left, I was a mess. The first month was rough and lonely. I did make one friend in my hall, but we were not best friends; we would just occasionally get dinner once a week. Then something I never thought was going to happen happened: my boyfriend of almost a year and a half broke up with me. I was devastated. The months to follow were some of the loneliest and darkest months of my life. So instead of trying to go out and meet people, I mostly stayed to myself and just tried not to break down in tears in class. During these months, I felt a lot of loneliness, but they were also when I felt the Lord’s presence the most. Even though I felt like my whole world was coming down around me, He was there. I started to write in a journal every night, and I would pour my heart out in prayer. I would tell Him about every single thing I was feeling and how I felt like I wasn’t enough. Sometimes I would have to get on my knees in my single room dorm room, turn on Come Jesus Come by Cece Winans, and just sob and give everything over to Him.
On the first day of college, God brought someone into my life who was going to help me make it through this time. Her name is Emma. Emma was in my voice class on the first day, and the way I knew God put her into my life is because 25 years ago, my grandmother gave her grandfather a kidney, and that kidney is still working to this day. Let’s just say that Emma and I are very different. She is very extroverted, and I am introverted, but this ended up being the best case scenario. A couple of months after the breakup, she started to invite me to things with her friends, and I reluctantly would come along. Over time, and after I began to come to more and more things, I became a person in the friend group, and I felt alive again. I finally felt like I had come out of the hole of darkness I had been living in, and I was reminded that I was able to live and be on my own. If it wasn’t for Emma, I don’t know where I would be today. Probably starting my sophomore year with very few friends and still very introverted and shy. And if it also weren’t for my other friend Emmy, who was introduced to me by Emma, I wouldn’t have found one of the best friends I have ever had.
Now you’re probably thinking, “Why is this girl telling us all of this? I do not want my freshman year of college to be like hers.” Yes, I was terrified of change, and yes, being broken up with in the first month of college was awful, but it was honestly one of the best things that could have happened to me. Looking back now, I can see the Lord’s plan in it all. If he hadn’t broken up with me, I would have never been pushed out of my comfort zone and experienced the change that I needed to. I probably wouldn’t have gone on any late-night Cookout runs, no running around campus at 1 am spying on friends, no sleepovers on the floor, no late-night hair dying, and I probably wouldn’t be rooming with my best friends this year. I grew in more ways than I ever thought I could during that first year. I came out of my shell, I made friends, I joined a sorority, and I learned to do things by myself. And when I came home at the end of the second semester, I felt like a completely different person than when I had left. My room no longer felt like my room, my house didn’t feel like home, and I missed the people that I used to hang out with every day. So yeah, my first year of college didn’t go exactly as planned, but I wouldn’t change a thing. I am writing this so hopefully it will give you hope for starting college, and even if you aren’t starting college, I hope that it will give you comfort in whatever big changes or decisions you have coming. A verse that I have always tried to rely on since high school is Proverbs 16:9, “A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.” Even when things don’t go to plan, the Lord knows what He is doing and has a plan for your life. So trust him, and He will bring the people into your life that He knows will help guide you, and you may even be lucky enough to end up with an Emma.
Another song suggestion to help give encouragement through change: Flowers by Samantha Ebert